Since we found out, things have felt surprisingly different for me. I don't mean physically, but mentally and emotionally. It feels way more real now. This is the most excited I've been through this journey thus far, but it's also the most nervous/scared I've been. Yesterday I felt quite overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. My mind was so busy yesterday I had to just sit in the nursery and do nothing for about an hour. I literally mean nothing. Kids would call it "time out". haha. I keep thinking "In only a few months I'm going to be responsible for a human being and all of their needs." That thought is quite over whelming to me. Michael and I have waited this long for two main reasons. 1. We wanted to be done with school first because we knew raising a baby and going to school would be exponentially harder than doing them one at a time. 2. We knew that taking care of a baby was a huge responsibility, and that teaching and raising up a child was a big important job. We didn't take the decision lightly.
Even though since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a mom, now that it's here IT'S SCARY. haha. It's not that I'm scared of being a bad mom. I think I'm just scared of the responsibility of the raising up and teaching of the child, and the emotions involved in having your own child that you love and care that much about. Even before this baby is born, my heart aches that he will have the best things in life, will do great things, and be extremely successful and love the Lord with all of his heart. How much stronger will these feelings get once he's arrived? I'm sure much more.
So while those thoughts rush through my mind I also am so excited and happy at the thought of having someone who is literally a part of me. Another person to add to the family to love. Someone I'll get to watch and play with and build lots of fun memories with. Goodness - how much will Michael and I learn on this journey?? That's crazy to think about, because I know it's a lot! haha. And I'm certain that parenthood will be something that draws us closer to God and teaches us more about Him. We have a lot to look forward to.
Just yesterday Michael said "I can't wait until our baby boy is here." I'm definitely happy and excited about our baby's arrival, but I was thinking "I can wait!"
Here are the results from our "baby photo shoot".
My favorite one is that last one. I can't believe how big his foot looks. He must have Michael's feet. Oh boy, all the shoes we buy Michael...now we'll have another one who needs shoes every few months. haha
My sister in law, Joi, got Michael and me the sweetest gift the other day. It's a picture frame with a verse and a place to put a sonogram picture. The verse is one I've heard many many times before, but it takes on a whole new meaning for me now.
Psalm 139:13-16 (NLT)
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous, and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formeed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."
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